What does one say when one is accused of being a big ol’ racis’? Only the truth, ladies and gentlemen. Only the truth.

  • “I’m not racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is something Jamaicans and Mexicans do.” (H/T)
  • “I’m not racist. I just believe there are important racial differences in how urgently some people need to be sterilized.”
  • “I’m not racist. I just believe there are important racial differences in how much I want to ship your black ass back to Ooga-Booga land.”
  • “I’m not racist. I just have a perfectly normal, natural preference for people who don’t have slanty eyes and big lips and greasy hair and gross-looking skin and bones through their noses and eat tacos all the time.”
  • “I’m not racist. I have friends from all different races, even though some of them smell really bad and are always stealing my stuff, like the Gypsies.”
  • “I’m not racist. Some of my best friends are niggers.”
  • “I’m not racist. I believe there’s only one race: the human race.

    And Chinese aren’t included.”

  • “I’m not racist. I believe there’s only one race:

    The Aryan race.”

  • “Hey, if wanting to gas all the Jews to death in concentration camps makes me some kind of ‘racist’, then gee, I guess I’m a biiiiiiig ‘racist’.”
  • “Yeah, well, they called Hitler racist, too.”

“Official Positions” is the ‘Park’s never-ending series of pronouncements on OFFICIAL ‘PARK DOCTRINE, to which all ‘Park rangers/hate-kittens must subscribe on pain of EXCOMMUNICATION.

Democracy is shit and your vote is worthless. That “I Voted” sticker you slapped on might as well read “As a Slave to the Political, Intellectual and Entertainment Classes, I Do Not and Indeed Cannot Think for Myself and Therefore Am Not Responsible Enough to Participate in Any Political Process; Please Disenfranchise Me so that My Betters Can Implement a New and Less Retarded System of Governance, i.e., Fascism.”

Just what do you imagine democracy is? What’s your democracy-fetishist fantasy? Is democracy a fair, equitable and just system for choosing competent leaders? Responsible leaders? Intelligent, cultured, wise, or even good-looking leaders? No. Democracy, you damnable fool, awards power, free of oversight and any identifiable responsibility, to whichever narcissistic, psychopathic, Machiavellian asshole is best at tricking large numbers of idiots into voting for him.

Obama. Bush. Kennedy. Nixon. Churchill. Hitler. FDR. Mandela. What do all these men have in common? That’s right: they’re all colossal shitheads who should have been dragged into the street and mercifully euthanized via curb stomping-induced brain death. And they were all democratically elected, because voters are retarded.

Let’s be serious for a moment. Voters are basically monkeys throwing feces at each other in a cage. Every few years, the political class, on the orders of the intellectual class, permits the entertainment class (e.g., the mainstream media) to let these monkeys out of their communal cage to smear their shit-stained monkey paws on a ballot, which may or may not be counted by other shitty monkeys, to indicate which candidate has promised them the most bananas or the biggest jar of orange marmalade or whatever (tax cuts, gay marriage, no gay marriage, civil rights, etc). Candidates are not required to actually deliver on the bananas, the orange marmalade, etc, and by the next election the voters will no doubt have forgotten all about it, being, as they are, shit-stained monkey retards.

And that’s how democracy works!

Now here is a wriggly ferret.


“Official Positions” is the ‘Park’s never-ending series of pronouncements on OFFICIAL ‘PARK DOCTRINE, to which all ‘Park rangers/hate-kittens must subscribe on pain of EXCOMMUNICATION.

Unless we act decisively and strike soon, we don’t stand a chance of defeating Israel.

“Official Positions” is the ‘Park’s never-ending series of pronouncements on OFFICIAL ‘PARK DOCTRINE, to which all ‘Park rangers/hate-kittens must subscribe on pain of EXCOMMUNICATION.

I’m opposed to the war in Afghanistan. I’m opposed to the war in Iraq. I’m opposed to the War on Drugs and the War on Poverty. But I support the War on Women.

Finally, a war we might actually win.

“Official Positions” is the ‘Park’s never-ending series of pronouncements on OFFICIAL ‘PARK DOCTRINE, to which all ‘Park rangers/hate-kittens must subscribe on pain of EXCOMMUNICATION.

Pro-life? Pro-choice? Pro-rape? As always, my thoughts on the subject are far more subtle and nuanced than everybody else’s, because everybody else is retarded.

I’m pro-life for white babies. Pro-abortion for everything else.

“Official Positions” is the ‘Park’s never-ending series of pronouncements on OFFICIAL ‘PARK DOCTRINE, to which all ‘Park rangers/hate-kittens must subscribe on pain of EXCOMMUNICATION.

The results are in! The people have spoken, and their voices rang out loud and clear:

Ferrets are the new kitties.


Gratuitous French Girl: Um… Unamusé…

Unamused: Hmm hmm hmmmm… silly little ferrets…

Gratuitous French Girl: UNAMUSÉ!

Unamused: Quoi?

Gratuitous French Girl: Who ‘as won ze Presidential election?

Unamused: Who cares. Democracy is shit. Your vote is worthless.

Unamused and Gratuitous French Girl: FASCISM FORWARD!

UPDATE: I guess the mulatto won?

From the New York Post (via commenter ed357): “Mom of teen ‘slay sibs’ tips off cops after NJ girl, 12, killed for bike” (Oct. 24).

A New Jersey mom ratted out her teen sons for the murder of a 12-year-old girl after reading a Facebook posting hinting that one of them wanted to go on the lam, law-enforcement sources told The Post.

“The girl loved BMX bikes and famous riders, her Facebook page said.”

Justin Davidson’s mom saw his message “Might be moving :(” on Sunday and became suspicious.

She tipped cops that he might have been involved in the disappearance of their neighbor, Autumn Pasquale, in Clayton, NJ, the sources said.

yo just strangled this 12-year-old girl, might have to flee :(

Autumn was allegedly lured to meet Justin, 15, and his brother Dante Robinson, 17, at their home Saturday because they wanted parts from her beloved BMX bike.

The massive search for Autumn came to a tragic end Monday night when her body was found stuffed in a recycling bin at a vacant property near the boys’ house.

An autopsy found she had been strangled.

Really wanted that BMX bike.

As family and friends held out hope that Autumn would be found alive, Justin communicated with her brother on Facebook to say he was glad police were using dogs in the search, NBC Philadelphia reported.

The two brothers were charged with murder, body disposal and tampering with evidence. Justin was also charged with luring.

When detectives searched the Robinson home, they found some of Autumn’s belongings and her bike, Gloucester County Prosecutor Sean Dalton said.

The boys’ father, Alonzo Robinson, told the Star-Ledger of Newark that his sons had been charged with bike theft before.

“I think someone wanted the girl’s bicycle,” Robinson said. “Maybe she wanted her bike and resisted, and one of them snatched her off a bike.”

(“Maybe,” explains Alonzo Robinson (black), the 12-year-old (white) girl arrogantly “wanted her bike” not to be stolen by his 17-year-old son Dante Robinson (also black) and Dante’s 15-year-old half-brother Justin Davidson (equally black). She must have foolishly “resisted,” forcing one of them to “snatch her” off the bike, which of course inevitably — through white privilege/legacy of slavery/institutional racism-related forces too obvious and numerous to list here — led to her strangled corpse winding up in a recycling bin.)

Now, obviously, no one cares about another black-on-white interracial diverse murder crime incident event. Another diverse event. But some of you racists, being all full of hate (grrrrrr), will no doubt be tempted to speculate as to the hypothetical extent of media coverage and public outrage had the races in this crime been reversed, which, of course, they never ever are. Some of you may further be tempted to chalk this up to a double standard.

This is wrong.

There is no “double standard” at work here. There is merely “a single standard, universally applied,” as the quite brilliant commenter oscar the grinch quite brilliantly put it:

“what they want is a quite deliberate double standard where blacks are allowed the racial consciousness whites are denied”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Stop complaining about a double standard, and see the truth.

For the left, there is no “double standard”; there is a single standard, universally applied, and it is this:

Fuck you, whitey. No matter what the facts are, no matter what the circumstances are, just fuck you, whitey. Die, white man.

That is the core of their belief. They are not your loyal opposition, with whom you can argue in good faith. They are your deadly ENEMIES, who want you exterminated from the face of the earth. And they don’t care about any abstract principles, their only true principle is to exterminate YOU. They are more than happy to pretend that there are outside standards or principles of fair play, because so long as you believe that, then they have the advantage.

Remember: whenever a leftist/liberal/anti-racist opens his mouth, all he is really saying is: Die, white man. Fuck off and DIE.

Please bear this in mind. They are the enemy.

Most of them, of course, don’t think of themselves that way. They truly believe they’re doing the right thing, and hey, even if they’re not (and it’s easy enough to prove they’re not, just with the resources here at the ‘Park), it’ll probably work itself out all right in the end. It’s not worth speaking up, rocking the boat, upsetting people, drawing unwanted attention to yourself…

If you’re anti-Nazi, it may help to think of these people as collaborators with Hitler’s regime. If you’re pro-Nazi, or ambivalent toward the Nazis (while, of course, cultivating the true reactionary’s necessary hatred of all things Marxist), it may help to think of them as collaborators with Stalin’s regime.

(Here at Unamusement Park, we celebrate a diversity of views on National Socialism. But you still have to hate Commies!)

Anything to add, Confused Stoner Jew (Unamusement Park’s recently reinstated official Jew correspondent, not to mention its official Getting High and Listening to Acid Rock correspondent)?

Confused Stoner Jew: Yeah, man, that’s, like, totally how bike theft caused the Holocaust —

Unamused: … What.

Confused Stoner Jew: — also known as the Shoah, the Final Solution, the Aktion Reinhard, the Worst Thing That Ever Happened, the Only Genocide That Ever Happened, “The Great de-Jewing,” “Jew-Be-Gone” (“Now with 100% more Zyklon B! Gets those stubborn Jew parasites other household democides miss!”), the Holocau$t, the Holocau$$$t, the Holocau$$$$$$$$$t, the H$l$c$$st, the Holo-hoax, the Hoax-ocaust, the Holo-fraud, the Holo-con, the Con-ocaust, the Holo-spoof, the Spoof-ocaust, the Holo-prank, the Holo-jape, the Holo-caper, the Caper-caust, the Holo-lampoon, the Lampoon-ocaust, the LOL-ocaust, the TROLLOLOL-ocaust, “The Passion of the Christ, Part 2: Jesus’ Revenge,” the Six Million, the Three Million, the Two Million, the Eleven Billion Zillion, the “oy vey, Adolf, there you again, always wit’ the gassing, you’re going to give your mother a heart attack, why don’t you just find yourself a nice Jewish girl already, now eat your latkes and let’s move to Florida and vote Democrat forever,” and probably several other terms.

Unamused: I hate you.

Confused Stoner Jew: Anti-semitism!

Unamused: Get in the oven.

Why, indeed, am I still doing this?

I don’t mean “why am I still doing this?” That’s easy enough to answer: because it’s the right thing to do.

I also don’t mean “why am I still doing this?” That’s even easier: because we haven’t won yet.

What I want to know is, why am I still doing this? Why haven’t I been driven out of business by a thousand better-written blogs by a thousand smarter, wiser, funnier, better-looking (not to mention drastically more psychologically stable) young reactionaries/ethnopatriots? Like frequent commenter M.G., over at Those Who Can See (my favorite blog besides Moldbug’s)?

Here are some things brilliant, groundbreaking tactics I’ve devised over the past couple of years, which would not be too difficult for someone else to do just as well, if not better:

So up and at ‘em, little hate-kitten.


There will be more important things to do in the coming weeks than casting your worthless vote for the next Marxist president of these Disunited States of Post-Racial America.

Having been detained, indefinitely, by Eric “My People” Holder’s Civil Rights (for Everyone but Whites) Division of the (Social) Justice Department of these United States of (Post-Racial) America as a “thought criminal” guilty of numerous “hate crimes” (including “Reckless Intolerance,” “Receiving Stolen Privilege,” and “Grand Theft Human Dignity”), and thus having little else to do but whittle shanks and peruse ancient tomes, scrolls, parchments, etc., I am currently reading the 1864 book “Savage Africa: Being the Narrative of a Tour in Equatorial, South-Western, and North-Western Africa” by British historian and explorer William Winwood Reade (1838–1875). What I have found is as funny as it is sad. Truly, when it comes to race relations, nothing ever changes.

From “Savage Africa” (1864)

The subject of Chapter IV, “The Paradise of the Blacks,” is Sierra Leone.

It is one of the chief peculiarities of the Sierra Leone negro that he hates, with an intense and bitter hatred, this white man to whom he owes every thing. […]

This hatred of the white man becomes really dangerous in a court of justice, when cases of black v. white come before black juries. These men do not want for intelligence; but they form no idea of the sacredness of their calling, and give verdicts at will where their private feelings are concerned. This explains how it is that trial by jury has only been adopted by refined nations. In a savage or semi-civilized state, the heads of the people alone are qualified to judge.

It is a common story here that if you call a black man a nigger you are liable to a fine of five pounds for defamation of character. I do not know if this is really the case, but any thing broader than mere insult is perilous in the extreme. A gentleman who had discharged his servant was annoyed by the man entering his private yard. He ordered him out; the negro was insolent, and refused to go. The white man then did what most Englishmen would have done: he took him by the scruff of the neck and kicked him out. The case was brought before a black jury, who fined him £50.

I had anecdotes of negro jury injustice from so many respectable informants that I could do no less than believe it to be common. I was a little staggered, certainly, when I read in the Rev. J. Leighton Wilson’s work on West Africa the following paragraph:

“But perhaps the most interesting point of view in which the liberated Africans are to be seen, and which will render their moral condition most intelligible to those at a distance, is when they sit at the Quarter Sessions as petty, grand, and special jurors.”

But the following evidence from Sierra Leone, a work written by Mr. Shreeve, who had resided many years in that colony, will prove, I think, that Mr. Wilson’s remark must be intended for irony. Nothing can render their “moral condition more intelligible” than these extracts; though whether it is an “interesting point of view” to those white men whose liberties or fortunes may be at stake, I will leave the reader to judge.

After observing that the negro’s system of physiognomy tends to represent all men bad who happen to be white, and that the white man can not obtain justice in Sierra Leone; after quoting an instance in which a man who had killed another (probably a white victim) was found Not Guilty in spite of all evidence, “a decision at which even the culprit himself appeared astonished, and a virtuous indignation from many ran through the hall,” Mr. Shreeve observes:

“Another reprehensible practice, or rather vice, in which many jurors indulge, is ardent spirits, from which may be traced their frequent, hasty, vociferous, and unjust decisions: this baneful indulgence is evident to all in court; and upon a late trial, at which I was present, a juror was so disorderly that the judge was obliged to impose a fine of £5, and lock the Bacchanalian up till it was paid. Another matter of serious importance, and often fatal to the course of justice, is the common practice of private communication of interested parties with jurors upon their retiring to find a verdict; and again, that of parties being permitted, through the absence or favoritism of the bailiffs, to eavesdrop at the door of the jury-room, and not only to overhear their deliberations, but actually communicate in the native language with those upon whose impartiality at the moment perhaps a life depends.”

Finally he adds, “Here Justice should be painted like Le Brun’s Revenge, with a bowl and dagger, not with the balance and the sword.”

You will perhaps suppose that this dislike for us has proceeded from acts of cruelty and oppression. But no, they have less to complain of in that way than our laboring classes at home. We are their liberators, their shelterers, their protectors — but we are really their masters. They acknowledge our supremacy, but they detest us for it; they do not love the hand which showers gold upon them from above: they prefer the baser metals, which they can grub up from beneath their feet. Paramount in their own paradise, they find themselves pigmies when they stir abroad; the politest words which they receive are tinged with a condescension which goes through them like a sword. Sensitive and vain, they hanker for dominion; possessed of neither patience nor persistence, they can never obtain it save in their own small spheres.

Funny stuff. Well, I’d better wrap things up. It’s almost time for my daily corrective brainwashing session. “Black good! Brown good! White bad!” (They poke you with a pointy stick if you ask about the J*ws.)

See you in Detention Block 7!

Ahoy there, and mind that penguin!

It is a glorious day for sailing, down ’round the magnetic South Pole. Yes, we’re still broadcasting live from the deck of the Hate Submarine.

See her majestic, hateful bow cleave the frigid waters. Feel the deck surge beneath your feet. Taste the salt of the brisk September sea breeze as it’s freezing your face off. Hear the far-off cry of the lonely penguin trapped on an ice floe with the orcas closing in. Smell the gooseberry croissants baking in the oven.

Ahoy again!

Now, I know I promised an important announcement, and rest assured it’s on its way, but it will have to wait, for I must first offer my most sincerest apologies.

Recently it was brought to my attention that certain remarks I made during a debate on school vouchers may have crossed the line into offensive territory. Judge for yourself:

Unaschmoozed: I refuse to listen to your ignorant, useless, stupid, treasonous opinions, you disgusting filth, you Marxist mongrels, you subhuman savages. I hereby call upon all White men, women, and children to arm themselves to the teeth in preparation for the inevitable global race war, in which the blacks, Jews, Mexicans, Gypsies, Eskimos, Chinese, and sundry other lesser breeds of man will unite against the Aryan race and be utterly destroyed by our magnificent, unstoppable army of mechanized Nazi war-dinosaurs and enormously chubby kitties! Huzzah!

I sincerely regret any offense I may have caused with my off-hand remark. The sad truth is, feline obesity, or “chubby kitty syndrome,” is a growing problem in this country.

Unamusement Park’s official Commenter Appreciation Cat (seen here consuming our delicious Commenter Appreciation Pancakes) may be suffering from feline obesity

According to the American Bureau of the Kitty Obesity Research Council (CORK), “over 35% of American domestic kitties are considered to be chubby, including 5% who are considered to be super-chubby… especially their big fat bellies” (CORK Year-End Report, 2011).

sleepy cat in flower pot

This means that more than 1 in 3 kitties in the country suffer from at least one of the symptoms of feline obesity:

  1. getting stuck in the kitty door
  2. can’t jump up on the counter (for noms)
  3. sometimes tip over for no reason (leaving belly susceptible to tickle attacks)

this cat don’t give a fuck

Simply put, America is jam-packed with chubby kitties. They are eating all the treats. Few if any treats remain for the little kitties. We must act quickly and decisively to ensure the uninterrupted flow of treats and thereby avoid a concomitant epidemic of sad little kitties, perhaps by increasing treat production to meet or exceed chubby kitty demand or devising a method for mass kitty dechubbification.

there are kitties in the sink

It is also past time we condemned the use of the derogatory term “roly poly” to refer to those kitties who suffer from feline obesity. According to experts in the field of Civil Rights Linguistics, which is a real thing people study in the universities, the use of this term is exactly equivalent to calling President Obama a wild hairy jungle ape from Kenya who shits on himself and shits on the Constitution and smells of shit and eats his own shit and paws at our social security checks with his shit-stained jungle ape paws while ooking and eeking and making all sorts of other monkey noises and generally being just another louse-infested, AIDS-infected, cotton-picking nigger in need of a good lynching, which I, of course, have never ever said, and never ever will.

here are six cats

Isn’t that right, First Mate?

Gratuitous French Girl/First Mate of ze Hate Submarine: I refuse to associate wif zis nonsense! You are ze very silliest person in ze whole of ze sea. Besides, I ‘ave ze croissants to worry about.

Ze croissants: she ‘as zem to worry about.

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