Gay man stops black thugs with the power of imagination
Jul 27th, 2011 by Unamused
Today, in honor of the mainstream media’s surprising new policy of transparency in reporting race and crime, as they trumpet Norwegian mass murderer Anders Breivik’s blond hair and blue eyes (see e.g. CBS and the Daily Mail), I hereby institute my own surprising new policy: from now on, Unamusement Park will describe all black criminals as “dark-skinned” and “nappy-headed,” to be followed by a parenthetical remark to the effect that black people are more criminal than white people.
Let’s take it out for a spin.
Introducing the Nation of Cowards
A surprising story comes to us via the bold new hate blog Nation of Cowards: “How an Imaginary Gun Saved My Life” (Advocate.com, July 18), an op-ed by Jimmy LaSalvia, executive director of the gay conservative group GOProud.
Friday evening I was on my way home from the GOProud office on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C., when I came upon a group of young black men. There were roughly eight of them.
Just as I got up to them, the assailant lunged off the sidewalk toward me and delivered a punch across my chest. The momentum of my bicycling drove me into his fist and arm, causing a shocking pain like I’ve never felt before. Just as I began to realize what was happening, I heard it. The words are still ringing in my ears as I write this — “Fucking faggot!”
The situation could have gone either way: I could end up beaten or dead, or we could all go our separate ways.
All I could think to do was to get to my backpack and find my phone. As I fumbled for the phone, I heard one of them say, “Does he have a gun?”
So I kept my hand in my backpack, allowing them to wonder whether I was reaching for a gun. Then a couple of them started to run away, and the others soon followed. I got back on my bike and pedaled as fast as I could out of there.
Now I know I should own a gun. This realization will cause me to redouble my efforts to advocate for state concealed carry laws and for federal concealed carry reciprocity legislation so that permits are recognized across state lines. I hope more gay and lesbian Americans will join me in this effort to allow everyone to lawfully defend themselves against violent crime.
I agree: every white man, woman and child needs a gun to shoot black people with. When they attack you, I mean. Not before. Obviously.
So what’s surprising about this story, anyway? It’s not the random, unprovoked eight-on-one assault against a white man by a gang of dark-skinned, nappy-headed thugs — that’s not surprising at all. (By the way, black people are more criminal than white people.) It’s not their cowardice, either — the way all eight of them broke and ran at the mere dim-witted speculation that the lone white man they so courageously ambushed, now “in a vulnerable crouching position sort of under [his] bike, halfway on the street and partly in the gutter,” might have a gun. It’s not even black people’s well documented hatred toward homosexuals.
No, what surprised me, and apparently Nation of Cowards too, is the reaction by some commenters. While perusing the commentary below, bear in mind that Mr. LaSalvia only mentions race once in his op-ed: “I came upon a group of young black men.”
Race: not relevant when it makes black people look bad
Is there a reason that this tea party bigot felt it necessary to note that his assailants were black? I can’t see the relevance to his story (and I imagine it is just a story), and I’m sure that he wouldn’t have pointed it out if they’d been white.
I was going to say the same exact thing. I seriously doubt Jimmy LaSalvia would have added that his attackers were white if they had been. What a prick!
I too am quite certain Mr. LaSalvia wouldn’t have focused on race with such laser-like intensity (“I came upon a group of young black men”) if his assailants in this random, unprovoked eight-on-one attack had been white, because in that case he would have been far too busy ridding his magic bean patch of pesky unicorns, and fending off an invasion of leprechaun warlocks, to write any race-baiting op-eds, and I would be too busy with my harem of nymphomaniacal forest faeries — er, that’s a different kind of “fairy,” of course — to care. Sadly, we inhabit the real world.
So why is race relevant? Well, how about because we have irrefutable Justice Department statistics proving that black people are more criminal than white people? Have I mentioned those before? I feel like I have.
Yes, Mr. LaSalvia really is quite a “prick” — how dare he notice black criminals. That’s the real crime here, not some fun-loving urban youths out to have a good time by… uh… punching some “fucking faggot,” was it? Well, that’s unimportant. Let’s focus on the bastard bigot who took a surprise punch in the chest and wouldn’t close his eyes fast enough to avoid seeing the one race of all eight attackers.
By the way, Washington, D.C. is 50.7 percent black. The probability that all eight belong to that particular race by chance alone is therefore 0.44 percent, or 1 in 229. Obviously this is still just a coincidence. (And pattern recognition is still racist.)
Black men: actually kind of scary, yeah
So, basically, he’s scared of black men and wants to shoot them, or at least make it appear that he can and will when confronted. Is that the moral of the story?
So is the point of his saying that he was approached by young black men supposed to support his right to feel afraid? From that point on, I really couldn’t care less about his story. Truly a despicable human being.
Those scary young black people are after you. Could you show your racism a little more? Run GOPuppet! Just an FYI I’m white and if I saw you I would have knocked you off your bike too! PS If it was legal to have a gun, THEY WOULD HAVE HAD SEVERAL GUNS!
“Those scary young black people are after you” — I think that’s supposed to be sarcasm, but it’s actually a pretty accurate summary of black-white race relations in contemporary America.
Now, I hate to keep harping on about this, but again: random, unprovoked eight-on-one assault of gay man by blacks shouting “fucking faggot” ends because they believe he is armed. Why wouldn’t he be scared of black men? Why wouldn’t he want to shoot them, or at least make it appear that he can and will when confronted? Doesn’t he have a right to feel afraid of being attacked? Why does that make him despicable and unworthy of our sympathy? When did the desire to protect yourself from crime — hate crime, even — become racist? (I lost track, but some of those are probably rhetorical.)
And no, racism would be if I left a comment that read:
Gosh, I really do hate all the niggers, they look just like chimpanzees, why won’t they keep their chimpanzee paws off my flat-screen TV and go back to Niggertown or Niggertopia or Nigger-on-the-Lake or wherever the heck we captured them in the first place.
PS grrrrrrr niggers! niggers niggers niggers
See the difference? It’s subtle, but I promise you it’s there. Look real hard.
Now what’s all this about gun control? Did someone say something completely idiotic? Because I think I just heard someone say something completely idiotic.
Gun control nuts
I have addressed the issue before, and am disinclined to do so again, but it appears I must. Please repeat after me: in Washington, D.C., or anywhere else for that matter,
- gun control doesn’t work,
- gun control doesn’t work,
- gun control doesn’t work, and finally
- gun control doesn’t work, goddamn it.
Carrying a gun is the best way to get shot. If this had been real life, and not imagination, the story might have ended: I heard one of them say, “Does he have a gun?” So he shot me.
I tried to explain to this anonymous New Yorker that he/she had it exactly backwards, that not being armed is the best way to become a victim of violent crime, and this must be real life because I’m not fucking a forest faerie right now, but alas he/she was too busy playing with crayons and cramming his/her mouth with delicious paste to listen.
I appreciate the experience was harrowing, but people carrying guns just makes other people think they need to carry guns too. How anyone can think more people concealing guns makes everyone safer is truly beyond me. What do you think would have happened if your assailants were carrying a gun and they thought you were pulling one out as well…?
I havn’t read any comments, but if the author got what he wants (less gun control), next time he gets mugged he will have a hand gun shoved into his chest, followed by a 9mm bullet, not a fist.
That’s right: as long as we all announce that we’re not going to carry guns, thereby rendering ourselves completely defenseless against guns, criminals won’t carry guns either. Don’t laugh at my obviously idiotic argument — this is what gun control advocates actually believe, and you wouldn’t want to hurt their feelings, would you?
Really, The Advocate? Really? You felt the need to publish this piece of right-wing garbage? … Here’s an idea: report on instances where people have been shot–you know, with a GUN–for being LGBT and why those instances signal the need for gun control.
That obviously idiotic argument, once again: people (supposedly) keep shooting homosexuals or queers or LGBTBBQs or perverts or whatever they’re calling themselves now, so we’d better make it harder for people to legally obtain guns. That way, people who have no problem breaking laws against murder will be unable to obtain them.
On second thought, no one could possibly be that stupid. Gun control nuts don’t believe their own hopelessly invalid arguments. They don’t even need to believe their counterfactual conclusion — that we’re safer with gun control than without. None of that matters, because they’re not trying to make us, the citizenry, safer. They’re trying to increase state power by depriving us of our weapons.
In the gun control nut’s perfect world, no one gets to have a gun except cops and criminals — and who can tell the difference, when cops are controlled by the likes of Eric “My People” Holder, Rahm “Heat Exhaustion” Emanuel and Bill “Too Many Victims” Foster? In short, gun control nuts are
socialists anarcho-tyrannists, plain and simple. Can there be any doubt about this?
In conclusion, God bless the Second Amendment, and God bless Jimmy LaSalvia and his imaginary gun.